Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Light Unto Myself

My Notes to Myself 12-22-12 /12-23-12

I am a light unto myself, said my dear friend Krishnamurti, and, as I see now, also Buddha. What I am writing at this moment has been ordained (To prearrange unalterably; predestine: by fate ordained.) since this structure in consciousness that is called Tommy, Tom, Thomas, Tomas, Tommy-Tom, Toemmelchen etc. took its beginning.

This Earth vessel is a projection of my Self, in the view of the channeled message from Suzanne L. In N's view, it is the outcome of the way in which the five elements came together through the joining of the biological components within this manifested consciousness called "my parents".

When consciousness adheres to it in Its identification "I am the body" - this object (the body) assumes the role of Subject - and all the trouble begins. I guess it is that the Seer, which is not individual, but universal consciousness, adheres to a single object, such as this human body, and then assumes that it is the Seer, or the Subject, and the other forms in its field of perception are the objects of its perception. In this way the view of "what is" is completely skewed.

If I am the ever-present Subject - and that is my true identity - then all forms that appear in my field of perception are objects in Manifest Consciousness and are enmeshed in the mechanics of total functioning and all are "doing their thing" as a matter of course. 

Every impulse to do something, to think or to feel something has been (according to many sages) preordained since the inception of this body-mind - and this inception was the result of myriad combinations of the five elements back and back in the regression from where this "all" took its start. 

This is the significance of receding in consciousness back to that point of first inception - which is always 'now'. Therefore this point is accessible to me, and is the point I receded to at a personal silent retreat at Lake of the Woods, OR a few years back. 

"The very base is that you don't know you are, and suddenly the feeling of "I Am"-ness appears. The moment it appears you see space, mental space; that subtle, sky-like space, stabilize you there.
You are that.
When you are able to stabilize in that state, you are space only.
When this space-like identity "I Am" goes into oblivion, that is the eternal state, nirguna, no form, no beingness.
Actually, what did happen there?
This message "I Am" was no message.
Dealing with this aspect, I cannot talk much because there is no scope to put it into words." 

(Nisargadatta, Prior to Consciousness)

At the Lake of the Woods in deep meditation there was nothing - and then all of a sudden there was the very first inception - and then it took off from there and all was created in an instant. This is the Fact of all this, and it starts with "I Am" - which comes from nothing and so it is actually nothing. "This message 'I Am' was no message" means just that: it feels like it has substance - a message - significance - but it actually doesn't.

Nothing need be changed or altered - only my "point of perception" is adjusted to this Fact: I am not touched by all of this. "Open your eyes and see all the strange and wonderful things you perceive" says Ramana. This includes what appears to be "me" acting, thinking, feeling - as this Earth vessel. So there is no attachment to what appears, and also not to any of the outcomes of the movements that appear, unless created by me.

So where is the connection to "manifesting my reality"? The mechanics of Total Functioning includes these mental-emotional "actions" as a "creator" of my "reality". My true Reality is the Heart (within which all these manifestations of dynamic consciousness appear) and it is pure Effulgence. This Effulgence then shines out (distorted through various filters and reflector-like mirrors - which are the latent impressions stored in the mind: vasanas)) and appears as the Inner Light that I am unto myself - as is infinite compassion, understanding, wisdom, love, acquiescence.  

"I Am" is like soap. The Earth is always new and fresh- it is only human identification with forms (the body) that creates accumulation and therefore the old (past).

Be the "I Amness" which is the formless energy principle that creates everything - and this identification has no hold. See the Truth of this and it sets you free. - like the soap - it washes out the dirt (the "I am the body" thought) and the purity of "I Am" remains. Then the transcendence of the "I Am" happens... and the purity remains as Unicity. 

"Q: I want direct experience of the Ultimate.

M: The Absolute cannot be experienced. It is not an objective affair. When I am in Unicity then that is pure awareness which is not aware of its awareness, and there can be no subject and object - therefore there can be no witnessing, Any manifestation, any functioning, any witnessing can only take place in duality. There has to be a subject and an object, they are two, but they are not two, they are two ends of the same thing. When consciousness stirs, duality arises. There are millions of objects, but each object, when it sees another, assumes the subjectivity of the Absolute (for itself), although it is an object. I, as an object, perceive and interpret all other objects, and I assume that I am the subject, and witnessing takes place.

Q: Why does consciousness stir? What is the cause?

M: Without any cause, spontaneously, it happens; there is no reason. That consciousness is universal - there is no individuality. But when the consciousness stirs in a particular form, which has also arisen spontaneously, and starts functioning in that form, that form assumes that it is an individual and what is actually unlimited, limits itself to a particular form and the trouble starts.

Let us say that someone has become a jnani (a knower), but what was it to begin with? It was that sour, bitter principle, that secretion because of which the consciousness has taken place. That very principle, the knowledge "I Am," has developed, grown, and become sweet; it matures and becomes the manifest jnani state; but what is that? It is the product of the five elemental food essence. When it goes, what remains? The Absolute which does not know Itself.

Q: The desire for liberation is also a desire, isn't it?

M: Don't talk about liberation, talk about yourself, what you are. When you understand that, both knowledge and ignorance disappear. You only require knowledge so long as ignorance it there. 

A knowledgeable person can tell anything to an ignorant person to remove his ignorance. For that purpose he takes the aid of the so-called worldly knowledge, concepts, and both the worldly conceptual knowledge and the ignorance go simultaneously.

A jnani will give you any concepts to remove your ignorance. This "I Amness" is the knowledge and you are embracing that. To remove that he gives you all these concepts; to understand that you are not this "I Amness" which is an outcome of the food-essence product. Once you realize that, whatever concepts he has given you, together with this "I Amness," are to be thrown out. What remains is the Absolute.

This is the actual state of affairs. You can never say I am like this or that - you are without knowledge. Rarely will one understand this and transcend the domain of consciousness.  

After listening to my talks, you think it is all very simple, but it is not that easy.

(Prior to Consciousness p. 76, 77)  

Questioner: This that I am—and the consciousness which is time-bound—what is the relationship?

Maharaj: What is the concept of “I” with which you are trying to find the relationship? This is exactly where the misconception arises.

In this concept of space and time there is total manifestation, in that you consider that you are something separate. There is nothing separate, you are part of the function of the total manifestation.

As Absolute, I am timeless, infinite, and I am awareness, without being aware of awareness. As infinity I express myself as space, as timeless I express myself as time. Unless there is space and duration I cannot be conscious of myself. When space and time are present there is consciousness, in that the total manifestation takes place and various phenomena come into being.

I, by Myself, Awareness, descend into this consciousness, and in this consciousness I express Myself in manifold ways, in innumerable forms. This is the crux, the framework of manifestation; there is no question of any individuality.
All creation, every creature, is made up of the five elements, and the behavior of each creature depends on the combination of the three gunas; sattva, rajas, tamas. There is no question of being responsible for anything that happens in the world. It is only by taking delivery of responsibility that one suffers.

The consciousness of being present, the five elements and the three gunas, that is the total of the universal manifestation.

In your original state there is no awareness of awareness, therefore no question of knowledge. The knowledge comes only with the appearance of the body and consciousness. The knowledge is really ignorance, and whatever knowledge is based on that is also ignorance.

You have been practicing spirituality for many years, what do you have in hand?

Q: I am consciousness, that is my profit.

M: Is this profit permanent? Is that your true nature?

Q: I identify myself with the total manifestation.

M: All that, is it not only after you got your consciousness? Go back to your state before consciousness came upon you.

First you identify with the body, then you identify with the consciousness, after a while you continue to be the consciousness, but the trap is that you will think you have become a jnani. Even being in consciousness is time-bound. The original state is before the consciousness came upon you. In one case the knowledge was given, it was understood, and the person became That in one day; another took a thousand years, and also reached that state. Is there any difference?

What was originally something I loved, now I no longer want it because I am aware of my true nature. I no longer need this consciousness, not even for five minutes.

At the end of your life you will be prepared to pay five lakhs of rupees for an extension of even five minutes. I am not prepared to give even one rupee. I have lost all love for this manifested world.

You must maintain this knowledge “I Am” in proper order. I quarrel with my people if they don’t keep these utensils in proper and clean order. Suppose this towel is left unwashed—than I will play hell with whoever is responsible. All the dirt which is not the towel should be removed. Similarly, “I Am” is the tool through which you get all the knowledge. You worship that “I Am,” remove all adulterations, the dirt.

Q: How to worship the I Amness”?

M: That knowingness alone points out all the dirt which is imposed on it. Even the space is not as pure as the knowledge “I Am.” Innately, the world is very pure; it is rendered dirty because you identify with the body. Since you do not recognize your “I Amness" in its purity, you refer to various books and Sages to get an identity.

Q: (another) I am afraid of losing my beingness, my existence.

M: Where is the question of worry? Even the Parabrahman does not know Itself. When we come to the conclusion that you are not, I am not, what is left is said to be Parabrahman, but what is Parabrahman? You can’t describe it, so you are silent. I am also silent. Parabrahman cannot be compared with anything.
When (a) person comes across a Sat-Guru, the Sage tells him, “You need not take care of anything. You just be and everything will be taken care of for you.”

It is a pity that you depend so much on hearsay and you don’t try to investigate for yourself. Your knowledge is confined to your body and borrowed knowledge.

All the activities of the world are going on because of this “I Amness.” It is the source which creates the world. Understand that “I Amness” first—only then can you transcend it. First of all, be that “I Amness.” 

(Prior to Consciousness November 29, 1980, p. 75)


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