the soundtrack of our life

We incessantly create a running commentary to the events in our life. These dialogs with ourself that are like mental subtitles that explain to us what we are doing and keep reminding us of the current storyline we are experiencing. New age culture delivers us through the internet a plethora of "reasons" for why we are feeling like we do: "sun flares are strong today, and they are earth-facing. They should be reaching us tomorrow by 5."

existential anguish

source

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We are supposed to be upbeat and full of optimism about how wonderful this world can be once we are liberated from all outer and inner bondage. And it probably can indeed be wonderful, but is that the point? How can I be released from bondage if I am not ready to face reality? 

So what is reality? First of all it is the fact of Eternity with a capital "E". This has all been going on for millions and billions and quadrillions of time. It did not start and there is no way it can end. 

face this emptiness

source

Can the mind face and live with this emptiness and not escape in any direction?

(Krishnamurti - The Urgency of Change)

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To escape from the emptiness is fear. I fear the emptiness. As soon as I begin some 'doing' I have begun to fill the emptiness. What is the emptiness? Is it the sense of everything going on and on forever into all eternity? I see that everything has been going on for billions and billions of years, billions of cycles of the earth around the sun and, of course, even before and beyond that.  

the fluidity of energy made flesh

water - dark

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energy come into manifestation is frozen into a fixed form by our memory 
memory is non-destruction or non-removal of impressions of objects experienced in the past
energy made flesh is fluid like liquid fire
this energy is the consciousness of being
being is conscious and seeing itself it flows into myriad forms
this fluid flowing into form is the attraction
the love to be
the ultimate obsession

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aham

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AHAM AHAM AHAM AHAM

I AM I AM I AM I AM

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AHAM AHAM AHAM AHAM

I AM I AM I AM I AM

1. Namdev says the Name is immortal. Forms are innumerable, but the Name is all that.

2. The Name itself is Form. There is no distinction between Name and Form. God became manifest and assumed Name and Form. Hence the Name the Vedas established. Beware there is no mantra beyond the Name. Those who say otherwise are ignorant. Namdev says the Name is Keshava [God] Himself. This is known only to the loving devotees of the Lord.

Yoga Vasishta Sara

Chapter Two (excerpt)

15. This world, though unreal, appears to exist and is the cause of life- long suffering to an ignorant person, just as a (non-existent) ghost (is the cause of fear) to a boy.

16. One who has no idea of gold sees only the bracelet. He does not at all have the idea that it is merely gold.

Great Mystery

 

Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery

 

teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my intuition,

 

my inner knowing, the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit.